Part A: Plan /10Part B Essay /40
Topic:Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding.
Plan
Introduction
Thesis statement:
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to force-land other countries, because exploration is to plundering the wealth of other countries, because exploration always in order to colony.
Paragraph 2:
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to force-land other countries.
Paragraph 3:
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to plundering the wealth of other countries.
Paragraph 4:
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration always in order to colony.
Conclusion:
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to force-land other countries, because exploration is to plundering the wealth of other countries, because exploration always in order to colony.
Essay
In the middle ages of the
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration always in order to colony. In deeply religious age, Europeans wanted to spread knowledge of Christianity and to contain spread of Islam. However, neither
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to force-land other countries. In 1534 Jacques Cartier was looking for a passage through or around North America to East Asia, as some had done before him, and many would after him. He just spends twenty days to crossing the Atlantic Ocean. He landed on an island near the coast of Newfoundland, Breton fishermen always came here. He sailed to north and entered the Strait of Belle Isle. He sailed into the Bay of St. Lawrence and west coast of Newfoundland and crossed the Bay to the Magdalene Islands and Prince Edward Island, he think both of them are the part of the mainland. Then he went to Choler Bay. At there he saw 50 canoes filled with Micas Indians. They seemed friendly and greeted him with the words napeu tondamen assurtah (we want to make friendship). The next day French and the Micas traded and celebrated. He also met a fishing party of 200 Huron’s, led by their chief, Donnaconna. His sons, Domagaia and Taignagny, went to France with Cartier to become interpreters. Cartier explored Antipoetic Island and returned to France. When he hard a large river further to the west, he hope it can go to the northeast. He departed on a second voyage in the next year. When he arrived Choler Bay, he land the land. Although the native people doesn’t revolt him, but he also was force-land. If the native people doesn’t want him to land, he will land too, because he doesn’t care about other people, he just want to finished his assignment. Then he will get riches and honor. He will disregard those benefits to all, so the exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to force-land other countries.
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to plundering the wealth of other countries. When John Cabot arrived the land that is the eastern coast of the America. He report the England king that he found a new territory. He also found many cod fish. He bring many cod fish back to his country. He found these cod fish in the borderline of Canadian, so he bring the cod fish of Canada. His behavior equal to plundering the wealth of other countries. Although cod fish is not expensive object, his behavior also equal to plundering the wealth of other countries. In other way, when Jacques Cartier arrived Anticosti Island he saw the native people’s cloth is different from other countries. All of them wear fur cloth. Fur cloth is very expensive, so Jacques Cartier want to use most easy and cheap way to get in return for fur. They using native people doesn’t have knowledge to cheat them. They use knife to change fur. Native people doesn’t know fur is a rarity and expensive material for make cloth, so they Pleased to accept to this deal. In fact,Jacques Cartier behavior is cheating. He using native people doesn’t know fur is very expensive to cheat native people. His behavior is another way to plundering the wealth of other countries. These bad behaviors are making people anger, so exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to plundering the wealth of other countries.
Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding, because exploration is to force-land other countries, because exploration is to plundering the wealth of other countries, because exploration always in order to colony. If exploration is just to know more about our homeland- there won’t have any conflict and misunderstanding, but the problem is the exploration always In order to satisfy private or national desire. Can people or country don’t have desire. No! People is alive because they are have desire. There won’t have human that don’t have desire, so exploration is a way that can satisfy the desire of some people and countries. It is also a way their dream come true. The people have different desire so they do the different work in the exploration. King wanted his country rich and bigger than before, and he has money. He lends money and boat to the explorers. The explorer will make his dream come true. Explorers wanted money and honor, because he doesn’t have money he have to brow the money and boat to make his dream come true. He must finish the assignment that king gave his then he will get what he wants. These bargain constitution the exploration, so the explorations were not dispassion object. The Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding is a normal object.
yo~写的不错啊..有进步!~
回复删除O(∩_∩)O哈哈~
My Dear^^
Keep this in your heart~
你吓死我了!!!!小猫!
回复删除Focus 3/4
回复删除I understand you are talking about the topic. However, you need to choose only the important ideas and write them. The body paragraphs are too long that I get lost when I am reading your essay.
Content 2.5/4
You have too much information that is not connected with the topic.
Usage 2.5/4
You should read your essay to a friend before you finish it. You have many mistakes you can fix if you read it out loud.
Style 2.5/4
I know you are trying to be formal. Be careful with your vocabulary. Use more of your own words. I want to know about your opinion and not the many facts about the explorers.
Organization 2.5/4
Your body paragraphs are too long and you have too much information that is not important for your topic. Please only use important sentences.
13/20 x2 = 26/40
Plan carefully and then write. A body paragraph should not be super long! It's only about one idea.
Plan
回复删除6/10
It lacks some detail. Remember to think carefully before you start to have an organized essay. I think you should plan what you are writing in your body paragraphs.